by Martha June

“The righteous will cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles”

Psalm 34:17

During my first year of college, I drove home from classes on a random afternoon. (I was a community college student) Nothing earth shattering had transpired, I simply attended my classes and went home. Once home, I walked through my front door and found my mom sitting in our front room.

My mom took one look at me and asked “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t answer.

She was quiet for a minute. And then said,

“You’re suffering”

…”yes”

The tears did not stop for a very long time.

I have struggled and fought with loneliness since middle school. Frankly, struggle does not come close to describing the pain I carried, the tears I shed, and the isolation that seemed to be an eternal cloud over my life. It felt like a constant fight to shake loneliness “off”.

I went to God in prayer time and time again, with all of my complaints, my pain, and my prayers for an answer. And yet, years went by where I felt little to no relief.

Like you, I have felt the pain of rejection, being “brushed aside”, or even feeling like the “odd ball out”. I had friends come and go, but I never felt like I had found “my people”. At some point I realized, it may never happen.

To make matters worst, I have no lack of people in my life. I am the oldest of seven children, and have a large extended family. I have always had some sort of community, and have been heavily involved in my church since childhood. Yet even with all of these people around, I struggled on. It was a very difficult road to walk, and even harder to admit. It simply did not make sense.

By God’s grace I am not writing this to tell you of the pain I carried. Instead, today I get to write about how the weight has been lifted.

All I can do is thank God from the depths of my soul.

After that afternoon, I stumbled upon Elizabeth Elliot’s book The Path of Loneliness. Pushing past the embarrassment I felt, I bought the book and read it.

That book changed my life.

Here is what I was reminded of thanks to Elizabeth. God does not promise a pain free life. He does not promise a life free from struggle, a life untouched by yes, even loneliness.

What does he promise?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”.

Psalm 34:18

Crushed in spirit. That is where I was. Once I realized that God does not promise a life without loneliness, and that it is likely I will be lonely. My perspective changed entirely.

I read another book, also by Elliot. This one entitled Suffering is Never for Nothing. She reminded me further what a relationship with God can look like through suffering.

“Acceptance, I believe, is the key to peace in this business of suffering.”

Elizabeth Elliot – Suffering Is Never for Nothing

Can I tell you? I went to God differently after that. Instead of hurling complaints, playing the blame game, and trying to find a “lesson” out of my suffering. Instead I tried to simply go to God to be with him. Something Elliot encouraged. Did I still wonder “why?” Yes. But my heart began to shift when I asked him to take the weight of loneliness. And you know what?

He did.

I felt the weight of loneliness leave me – just as physically as taking a heavy backpack off and placing it on the ground.

I found not just a savior in Jesus, but a friend. A friend who sat with me through the tears, a friend I could lean on and into. I stopped trying to “understand” the pain. Instead I began to understand that sometimes, we will experience pain. And that is life.

But God.

He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I learned that God cares, and he hears. Even if I would have suffered on.

What a God! A God who died! A God who saves! And a God who walks beside us in the pain!

“The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…”

Deuteronomy 33:27

“What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms;

what a blessedness, what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms;

leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms. leaning, leaning, on the everlasting arms. “

God has not only lifted my weight, but I now have lovely friends. The God that was good in my pain, walked me out of it.

If you are in pain, whether your suffering is loneliness or something entirely different. Know this, God hears, God sees, and God will walk with you, even if the pain continues. But also know, you don’t have to carry the weight of your pain alone. Jesus offers you his yoke, and he offers you his hand.

Will you release your pain to him today?

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him”

Psalm 40:2

Sincerely,

Martha June