by Martha June

I step out the door, my bare feet hit the cool concrete. I lift my eyes to examine the horizon, and nostalgia sweeps over me. The yard no longer holds the cherry tree, and the white fence is chipped from years gone by. Beyond the fence I see the field and the old oak tree, spreading its limbs to take in every ray of sunshine. The sky is blue and endless.

Today is beautiful.

Alone and content I begin to walk across the field towards the woods. The sun is shining, and the wheatgrass sways softly in the wind. There is a bird somewhere, maybe two, celebrating today.

The grass between my toes is both soft and spiky but I don’t mind. Walking down the hill I breathe deeply and look around.

This place, this place is home.

….

I’ve grown up in the suburbs my entire life. The older I get the more I stand in awe of God’s plan. Every day I am more and more thankful for the people and the places I have called home for so long. My childhood was really idyllic, aside from struggling with math in school, I really loved it. When summer would begin to slowly step in place of spring and the world began to warm, I felt a lightness of foot, unlike any other season. Summer was when I could walk these fields, explore the woods, and sit with family on my grandparent’s property talking over a bonfire.

….

As I walk, I think about how dear this place has become to me. This field is always changing. I see myself barefoot, running down this hill with my sister, dogs at our heels, laughter filling the air. I see hay bales for the neighbor’s horses, stationary, and picturesque. I close my eyes and remember the summer nights with a field full of dancing lightning bugs, the most beautiful light show I have ever seen.

I am almost to the woods now, walking, remembering. I see the smokehouse my uncle and grandpa built, and a smile comes to my face when I remember my uncle raising our hogs.

I am at the treeline, their shadows hitting my arm, I feel instantly cooler.

I am almost to the opening in the woods.

How many times have I walked this path?

How many times have I wished summer would never end?

I am in the woods now. They are overgrown with age and neglect. Honeysuckle is invasive. But I walk.

The light is streaming through the holes in the leaves, I fell the ground beneath my feet becoming harder. This path leads to the creek.

All at once the woods open and form a natural circle. The creek has a little bit of water, yellow and purple flowers are blooming, this place feels sacred.

Finding a rock, I sit.

I sit in silence, a mixture of awe and sadness well in my heart.

I love things to stay the same, I am not good at change.

Someday I will look back on these moments and miss them.

God, I don’t know the way before me. I do not know your plan. But I am sitting in your faithfulness. I am looking at the very proof that I was created to be here, you delight your children even when we don’t deserve it. Show me the way I should walk.

I take another long breath. The fresh air soothes my soul. I stand and begin to retrace my steps.

Grandma will be waiting for me.

Fear is not altogether gone, but the emotion that takes precedence is hope. By God’s grace, I am changing day by day, I am not who I was.

Jesus, take every part of me. Every place that is hurt and broken, every corner of my heart full of pride and inconsistency. Jesus, may people see you through me.

A short moment, and my mindset changes.

I walk in expectation for the days to come, life moves so fast. Somedays I cannot wait for the future, other days I wish I could relive yesterday.

I walk faster, feet pounding, breathing sharply.

The days to come, I wonder what they will bring?

I am back at the house, my breath is labored.

that hill used to be a piece of cake for me…

My hand reaches for the door and turns the knob.

I take one last look over my shoulder. I want to paint the picture of this place in my memory to stay.

A smile spreads across my face, I feel lighter, I feel content.

Thank you, Lord, for Missouri.

“Martha, you’re back! Do you want to play twenty questions?”

Today, is beautiful.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it.
Isaiah 30:21

Sincerely,

taking it day by day