by Martha June

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:13-14

There was a season in my life where I prayed for patience.

I know.

I have been told since then “Do not ever pray for patience because, ya know, I did and I ended up with two boys!” Or “Pray for patience at your own risk, cause you can’t take it back once it’s been prayed for!” (All said jokingly)

In all seriousness though, I never realized how praying for patience would affect my life. Going out of the country was a huge dream of mine. To me, it made sense that I felt called to be a missionary, and I desired to travel. Yet, every time I would make plans or try to raise money, everything would fall through. This cycle lasted for a number of years. Leaving me feeling frustrated and overlooked. I asked God “Why?” so many times. As I was struggling with the “why” I witnessed many friends and relatives going out of the country.

I am not going to pretend it was easy for me to watch them go. Or tell you I was “so happy!” for them because in all honesty, I was not. My prayer time consisted of “God, you called me to be a missionary right? Like, I am not just imagining this? Okay…well don’t you think it is important for me to, ya know, actually go out of the country first?” And so on and so forth. It took me a long time to view this season as a gift and to genuinely be happy for others who got the opportunity to go.

Never once throughout this entire experience did I view this time as an answer to prayer.

One morning I questioned God (apparently I learned nothing of reading about the Israelites) and he spoke to my heart “wait”.

Fast forward two years later. Here I am a high school senior planning to finally go on a mission trip in October of 2016. For years I had saved and “waited” so I felt this was the right move.

Next thing I knew the trip was canceled. I was the only one who signed up. I was frustrated and disappointed but I knew this meant my waiting was not over. As I prayed about it I heard yet again,“ Martha just wait. Now is the time to enjoy being with your family while you can. Because someday you are going to miss it”.

So I did. And I have.

I have loved spending my time with them. I wish I would not have spent all those years wanting to be somewhere else. Instead, I wish could turn back time and enjoy the moments I was given.

Now, however, I am exactly one month away from heading out of the country for the first time. This trip holds extra significance because I am going to see what I will be doing for an internship. Since these plans have been finalized, I have definitely seen ” the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!” But I cannot forget his goodness to me in my time of waiting.

I do not know God’s plans for me after my Internship. Who knows what may be it for missions, or it could only be the beginning. I won’t know until I come back. Until then, I am choosing to enjoy the moments I am given now because one day I will miss them.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my way, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

Sincerely,

waiting is not my favorite